I’m trying to get to Israel and Jordan

For the past two years, while I’d been distracted by Covid-19 and other worldly affairs, my passport had been tucked away in a drawer quietly expiring. I didn’t notice until it was too late. Well, almost too late. I mean, it was right on the cusp of too late. With the current state of our union it takes 5-7 weeks to receive your renewed passport in the mail if you go the expedited route. By the time I’d noticed my passport would expire a week after my return, I only had around 4 weeks to spare. (Your passport must be valid 6 months after departing Israel. Our passports aren’t like the things in your pantry- our passports actually expire BEFORE their expiration dates.) 

So after my Dad and I booked our planes & hotels, planned our Israel/Jordan border crossing, and just overall daydreamed about our first travels together in 10 years- I realize I have some major roadblocks to finesse my way through.

 The State Dept. has a whole scheme set up for idiots in this situation. Urgent Travel Service, which is a step below Life-or-Death Travel Service, requires you to schedule an appointment to meet with a passport official in person. You cannot call those people to make this appointment until you are EXACTLY two weeks out from your departure date. And then, the appointment has to be scheduled for a date that’s within 5 business days of your departure as stated by your itinerary. There are 26 passport agencies in the US, including one in Atlanta. I was repeatedly assured that the State could NOT GUARANTEE that I would A) get an appointment or B) actually even get my passport printed before my departure date. Sickening.

The call system for scheduling these appointments opens at 8 o’clock EST and is a bloodbath, with both callers and responders fighting for their dignities. First come, first serve, down to the minute. Everything is, alas, out of everyone’s hands. My call was answered quickly (I was on the lines navigating the menu minutes before the clock struck 8am). No appointments in Atlanta at all. The next closest?- New Orleans on the 29th @ 7:30am. But my flight to Israel is on the 31st! “If you were me scheduling this appointment, would you be nervous?” “No. I can’t guarantee that you’ll get your passport, but you’ve got an appointment- Go to it.” Oh.

Dad and I split my flight to New Orleans; I buy the first half with my peasant Spirit miles and he donates some of his coveted Delta miles for the flight back. I booked a hostel, printed my stately documentation, took passport photos (which I was pleased with, despite all odds), and packed for an unwanted trip to NOLA. I’d arrive in New Orleans on the 28th, have my appointment on the 29th, fly back to Atlanta on the 30th, and then leave the US on the 31st. Again, sickening. 

There was a moment I’d like to write down here for my memory: While I was booking my flights for this stupid appointment, my dad was looking over my shoulder. I was so stressed about this unexpected travel and its tight schedule. At some point he said, out of the silence, “You know, my dad used to always say ‘Where there’s a will, there’s a way.’ I think you’re really demonstrating that right now.” That made me feel proud. 

Ok so then basically I end up in NOLA and the whole town reeks. Brooke and I had an absolutely lovely vacation in New Orleans for our 2-year anniversary, memories from which kept coming to me throughout the whole ordeal. I was familiar with the city, it’s just that I don’t drink anymore. So my nose and eyes were overwhelmed with… actually you know what, I’m not going to talk shit about that city here. I think I was just stressed at the time and deflecting.

Oh god I forgot this whole extra piece of stress- Covid! I would need to be tested 72-hours before checking into my flight, upon arrival in Israel, at the border with Jordan, and again when returning to Israel. A positive result at any of these checkpoints would result in quarantine or my god, who knows!! So I had to not get Covid. And I know cases are down + we’re all vaxxed/stronger immunity etc etc but NOLA was a lawless land with not a mask or a social distance in sight. Plus flights are just inherently risky. I was just on edge. I was the only square walking around Louisiana with a mask on during my time there- but I didn’t care because I had a higher purpose! 

I romped around Bourbon Street a little and then went to bed. Crucial appointment in the morning. 

I was in line (a LINE!?) at the appointment doors at 7:05am. There I made a friend who’d also flown from Atlanta, so we traded frustrations and fears for 30 minutes until we’d learn our fate. I thought I was being interviewed, that I’d be investigated. Am I worthy of a renewal? I haven’t done my taxes yet, will that be a factor? Is my scenario “urgent” enough? Did I forget to print some freaking document or another?? If they to decide to award me my passport will they be able to get it to me by tomorrow before my flight home!??

I’m gonna need to whole room, which is filled with 50 nervous idiots with expired passports & booked flights, to calm down. The density of fear and stress in that room was unbearable. The room’s heart rate was syncopated at like 120bpm.

When I got called up by the agent, stamping various papers with red ink, he calmly said to me- “Alright, come back to pick up your passport in 3 hours.” 

I was like, “What? Is it always this easy?” Agent man was like, “Yep!” 

Success.

Pre-flight Covid test was handled thanks to some chaotic stratagems, and we were off. From Atl-Tel Aviv in 24 hours.